Once I was a vibrant young person, living life to the fullest, and while life posed problems occasionally, I always had the strength & perseverance to meet those problems head on. I traveled the world, indulged my dream of performing music, designed & sewed clothing, and truly enjoyed life. Now I'm 45, in the middle of nowhere, with no prospects of a creative livelihood ever again. Every day I have to face the fact that I'm probably going to be who I am right now for the rest of my life.
When Laura Ingalls Wilder was approached about writing her final book in the "Little House" series, "The First Four Years," she couldn't bring herself to do it. The memories of that time were too painful for her to remember and write about. She had to suffer through the loss of a child, loss of a farm, illness, crop failure, and many other tragedies during that time.
In no way have I suffered that much and yet I can understand how she felt. I'm struggling to keep up with home, family, finances, and the upcoming holidays through a haze of illness and pain. Keeping a brave face on for my boys becomes a harder task with each passing day. Husband is getting more and more frustrated with me as time goes on. I wake up each morning wondering if today is the day I will finally crack.
The point of all this is that I'm not blogging very much. Putting it down in words makes it all too black and white--I'm just holding on until I find a way out at this point. And no one really likes to read about other people's misery. So if you haven't seen an update from me in a while, you know why. Things will be better soon, I'm sure. I have to believe that or I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. When I have happier things to write about I'll be back.
Thanks for listening!
Lydia
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I don't think you should worry about content. About it being bloggy misery! Remember people share a universality about emotions, fears, failures, successes, etc. Reading how someone else is struggling through similar things, and how it is addressed can be inspiring. As well as helpful to the writer. Remember: "Shared sorrow is half a sorrow!"
ReplyDeleteI also had a thought. Writing, like Laura Ingalls Wilder, may not be in the cards for you.
But what about writing about all those wonderful adventures you had? They could be essays. One on your travels, another on your music and crazy places you performed. And on and on.
This way, you're writing about things that made you feel vibrant and enjoying life!
And, no, it's not over for you at 45. It's just the beginning! You just have to open your eyes to see it.
Well, I'm being very wordy today on people's blogs. Guess I'd rather do that than write another story on mine, heh.
Feel better very soon. When I'm sick everything seems hopeless. But it's not. :)
I agree with Marisa. If that's what you're feeling then that's what you should write about, don't worry about it being grumpy or miserable. It's all about sharing. Sometimes just getting it out there is the best way to deal with it. At least then it's not bottled up inside. On the other hand, if you don't feel comfortable with that, then that's okay too.
ReplyDeleteJust know we're here for you no matter what you decide to talk about. :)